“Welcome to the family,” said the campus pastor at the close of the prayer service for new students and their families. My husband and I were preparing ourselves for final hugs and words of goodbye before leaving our son behind in a new city, far from home. Having already watched our daughter grow up, get married, and move away, we knew distance was about to divide our family even further.
The word family gets tossed about frequently and at times, it seems, far too casually. A series of books and movies suggests a pair of magical traveling pants held the power to transform friends into sisters. College students pledge organizations and gain fraternity brothers and sorority sisters. “Love makes a family,” claims a popular political slogan.
I live in America and, in this country, people are free to define terms and re-invent reality as each sees fit. As a follower of Jesus, however, I want to live in the reality He co-created with the Father and Spirit, using words as He intended. This is what Christ had to say about family:
While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother. Matthew 12:46-50, NIV
My son’s campus pastor reminded us that our definition of family is often far too small. When we limit our understanding of family to those related by blood, marriage, and adoption, we neglect to see the beautiful reality of what has been created by faith in Christ Jesus. By God’s grace, followers of Jesus—those who do His Father’s will--become true brothers and sisters.
Our brothers and sisters in Christ are not pale imitations and substitutes, not make-believe, pretend, second-best family. The family being knit together by faith is the most real, fulfilling, permanent family any of us could hope for. The family being created by Christ and His bride is designed to fulfill the deep longings which earthly families can never fully satisfy, because we all fail one another miserably.
For a short period, one of my children needed to move out of our home and live away from our family. Despite our best efforts and deep desire to love this particular child through a difficult transition, we found ourselves incapable of providing what was most needed. As a mother, I felt like a complete and utter failure.
Friends from church opened their home, providing a safe place for our child to land. I was grateful for their kindness and generosity but also ashamed that others had to pick up the pieces from our failings. The good news of the gospel, however, is that our immediate families don’t define us and our failings as parents don’t condemn our children to a lifetime of unhappiness. Christ is in the business of reconciling and restoring and has provided abundant resources to do so through those who follow Him.
God has given each of His children the gift of a family which is wide and broad and deep, where love and healing take place, and where His glory is revealed. Real family exists, one created not by magical pants or redefinition of terms, but by God’s grace. Each of us in this family has been given the opportunity to step up and fill in where the other is lacking.
Before concluding the prayer service, the campus pastor assured anxious parents that their children were not being left behind with strangers, but with family. She also encouraged us to look at the empty seats around our dinner tables and consider who else in the family might need a place to sit, a table at which to be nourished.
A new school year has begun. Many have sent dear ones far away, and empty seats at tables may be a source of heartache and grief. Or, perhaps, their emptiness is simply an opportunity to reach out and love another member of the family.
Linking with Michelle, Jen, and the sisterhood. Cause they're real family:
17 comments:
Clapping. As someone who spent a lot of time with families who were not my own, I appreciate that family extends beyond those who are our blood.
Also, I like how you encourage us to reach out to others during this back-to-school time of transition.
Good words, Nancy...and (((Hugs))).
Real family. Yes.
Wonderful, wonderful piece, Nancy. As a transplant to Nebraska, 1,500 miles from my extended family, I learned a new, broader definition of family here -- friends and neighbors who love me like family. They fill the void, and I am so grateful.
Praying for you, dear, in this tough transition.
My definition of family was blown out when we adopted. Blood is but one measure of family. It really is love that binds you. Love for each other and love for the same Savior. Beautiful piece, friend.
Oh, Nancy, this made me cry...for your empty seat. And ours.
I've had a lot of "deputy kids" over the years....the ones who come when home isn't feeling quite right, stay awhile, then move back to home.
It's good to open our broken hearts, isn't it?
You are right about how casually 'family' gets thrown around. I saw a 'family of diners' recently advertised, really just greasy old resturants. I guess that could correlate to my family.
Blessings to you as you adapt and change to the seasons of this life.
Our definition of family is too small. Great line to ponder. Where is God calling me to expand my family? Who needs to be invited to join us? Who am I leaving out? mmmm. lots to think and pray about. Good post!
This is great to remember when you feel alone. Thanks
Being a navy wife, I was often far from my birth family and separated from my husband. Family of common faith was so important to me. Thanks for this. :)
LOVELY writing, lovely thinking. So many blessings as you transition to this big change in your circle. It's a good thing, and the chaplain's words were right on target. But still...there IS that hole to be filled.Thanks for these good words, Nancy.
Praying for you as you adjust to a new time in your life Nancy! You have shared such wisdom here. I know the truth of the family of God, if not always experientially--that has been a tough road for us the last several years. Looking forward to being that family and finding that family!
Your words are so full of hope. I love how you are vulnerable here in giving such a real-life example of how you have relied on family in the past and how you will rely on them again. And this reliance has made you so open to welcoming in someone else in need of loving arms.
Praying for a smooth transition for your whole family, Nancy.
PS And DON'T worry about not being able to respond (just got your email). People understand that there are LOTS of people without power right now!
So thankful your son has a nourishing place to study and a wise campus pastor. I especially liked this comment: "I live in America and, in this country, people are free to define terms and re-invent reality as each sees fit. As a follower of Jesus, however, I want to live in the reality He co-created with the Father and Spirit, using words as He intended." Well and wisely said!
Amen and amen. You know, when I was a new Christian, a family gave me a seat at their dining room table. I learned a lot and grew from their love.
This is good. It reminds me of the only wise thing that I've ever heard Hillary Clinton say, "It takes a village to raise a child." Governmentally, that is a terrifying statement. In the Body of Christ, that same statement brings comfort and encouragement that we are not alone in the parenting journey! Lovely post!
"Friends from church opened their home, providing a safe place for our child to land. I was grateful for their kindness and generosity but also ashamed that others had to pick up the pieces from our failings"
Nancy, "we all stumble in many ways." And it's so wonderfully freeing to read what you've written here, that God's love and the love of His family, was there for you and your child, at a crucial time. I've seen Him rescue my family, as well. And to that all I can add is:
"Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city." Psalm 31:21
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