Reaching One Thousand: Lessons Learned

On December 11, 2009, I wrote this:

So the reason I decided to revive my blog was so that I could publicly join The Gratitude Community:

I read about The Gratitude Community on Ann Voskamp’s blog, Holy Experience. In one of her posts she wrote this: “A heart is a one-feeling dwelling; gratitude evicts stress, sends frustration packing.”

I’ve been stressed. I’ve been frustrated. And I’ve been sad. Time to sweep those things out of my heart and invite gratitude in. And so my list begins. (Technically, I think the posts are supposed to go up on Mondays, but I'm not being legalistic about this)

Today, I reach one thousand.

I’m sitting here, watching my cursor blink, trying to come up with an adjective to describe what this experience has been like. I’m not sure I can find one to capture it. Instead, I think I’ll scribble down some of the things I’ve learned through the counting:

• Cycles and patterns are gifts in themselves. God created the world with a pattern of work and rest, and He calls us to seasons of doing and of ceasing, of giving and of receiving. He intends for us to stop, take time, look up, and see where He is present, how He has been present, and how He has given beyond all we have asked or imagined. The patterns of work, rest, worship are gifts that help me see these things.

I knew, theoretically, that thanksgiving was a good thing, an important element in faithful Christian living. I just wasn’t doing it, not on any kind of regular basis. Having a weekly appointment to stop and count gifts helped me develop a rhythm. It sharpened my focus, enabling me see what I’d been missing. Being a part of the gratitude community gave me a deadline, it provided accountability; it kept me from giving up.

• Just because people are imaginary, it doesn’t mean they aren’t real. As I started linking my posts, I began meeting other people, other gift-counters. One-by-one, we started commenting on each others' posts, and we got to know one another. Soon I began referring to them as my imaginary friends. I didn’t know it was possible to care so deeply about people I’d never met. I have wept and prayed with some of these friends, celebrated and rejoiced with them. I’ve read their stories and been humbled and amazed by being reminded again and again—God sees all things, heals all things, restores all things.

I’ve met a few of these folks in person now—for reals—and have plans to meet others soon. Some, I’ve already made plans with to party together throughout eternity. You know who you are.

• Writing helps me write. I’d wanted to start writing; I’d been threatening to begin, scribbling a few lines in a notebook now and then, and then giving up. Once I started giving thanks, making a weekly appointment to sit at my computer and form sentences, I kept going. There are better writers in blog world, ones whose words make my heart ache with their loveliness, but I’m writing. Every now and then I receive a kind comment saying “God encouraged me through your words.” I don’t know where this writing thing will take me; I’ve got some ideas, but for now comments like those help me see this work as noble and good.

• Sadness does not equal unbelief. This may be the most important lesson I’m taking away from participating in the gratitude community. I joined with Ann and the others because I was in a profoundly sad place in my life, and it scared me. I was afraid I was sinking into depression and despair. I beat myself up pretty badly for lacking faith in God’s goodness.

I’ve learned that counting gifts, seeing God’s goodness, doesn’t necessarily make the sadness go away. We live in a world that is broken by sin. There are things that can and should break our hearts and make us sad. It’s called lament and, throughout the pages of scripture, there seems to be an awful lot of it.

When I count the gifts, when I see glimpses of God’s goodness amidst the sadness, I’m no longer frightened by it or worry I’ll be consumed by it. I can stare directly into the sadness and yet worship. I’ve learned:

Lament is a kind of worship that says, “This is wrong, but I know You are good.”

Ann continues her list; she’s well beyond two thousand in her counting. I'm going to continue to blog and continue to look for the gifts, but have decided, to stop posting my weekly gratitude list. God has met me in this place, helped me to see Him and hear Him, and know His love for me more deeply. I am grateful to Ann for creating this space where those things could take place. Now I sense Him inviting me to meet with Him in different ways. You'll most likely be hearing about those.

But if I find my heart echoing its thoughts from December 11, 2009, I know where to go and what to do. I'll be back.

984. Son getting driver's license.
985. Relaxing and enjoying lunch together afterward.
986. A rainy day matinee.
987. Watermelon = the taste of summer.
988. Plans for a Fourth of July getaway.
989. Chipotle sour cream.
990. A walk in the rain.
991. Getting the roommate assignment and knowing that God is in control of all things.
992. 60th birthday celebration,
993. On a perfect summer day when the forecast called for rain.
994. Kids throwing frisbees
995. And kicking soccer balls.
996. Seeing lightning bugs
997. Friends who encouraged me to write.
998. My imaginary friends.
999. The Gratitude Community.
1000. Ann Voskamp