Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6, NIV
I know. These words are intended to be a source of promise and comfort. It’s just that, I’m not always sure I’m leading my children in the way they should go.
The Sunday School answer, of course would be that we are to lead them in God’s way, to follow the principles of scripture. When my children were babies, my husband and I stood at the front of our church and made promises to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The difficulty, for me, has always come in knowing how to do that on a day-to-day basis.
It’s not as though believers agree about what faithful Christian parenting looks like. We draw lines in different places in almost every area of parenting. Breastfeeding only or is bottle feeding okay? Cloth or disposable diapers? Timeouts only or spanking? Do we allow them to trick-or-treat? What about Santa Claus? What is the best way to educate: home school, private school, or public education? Should we allow our children to date or is courtship the only honorable means for finding a spouse?
Where does a faithful Christian parent draw the line on clothing choices, tattoos, piercings? When should we lay down the law? When do we extend grace?
Where does a faithful Christian parent draw the line on clothing choices, tattoos, piercings? When should we lay down the law? When do we extend grace?
The wealth of technology and gadgets available to our children makes parenting decisions even more complicated. At what age should my child be allowed to have a cell phone? Should I let my children text? What about internet access? Facebook? Do I monitor their accounts or is it wrong to snoop? What kind of music do I allow my kids to download onto their IPods, or do I even involve myself in those decisions? Do I even understand how most of those gadgets work?
Add in variables about each child’s temperament, gifts, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses; try to account for family dynamics as well as the emotional baggage each of us as parents brings into our family, and the decision-making calculus becomes truly overwhelming. There are just too many opportunities for getting it wrong.
And I know that sinfulness and rebellion linger within my own heart. My fear comes in wondering,
What if I lead them in the wrong way?
When my example leads them astray, I feel I have betrayed my precious children into the hands of the enemy by means of a mother’s kiss.
As my children have grown, I’ve had to acknowledge times and places where I got it wrong. Far too often I relied on my own wisdom and understanding rather than acknowledging my utter helplessness in raising those entrusted to my care. I attempted to put into practice the words of James Dobson, Tedd Tripp, and Doug Wilson while neglecting the Living Word.
I spent more time at home school conventions and in studying curriculum catalogs than I did on my knees.
Recognizing my failures, I have had to look my children in the eye and ask for their forgiveness. I’ve had to bend the knee to my heavenly Father and ask His forgiveness. And while there on my knees, it finally occurred to me:
I spent more time at home school conventions and in studying curriculum catalogs than I did on my knees.
Recognizing my failures, I have had to look my children in the eye and ask for their forgiveness. I’ve had to bend the knee to my heavenly Father and ask His forgiveness. And while there on my knees, it finally occurred to me:
What if the way isn’t so much about parenting methods, educational choices, and acceptable behaviors? Could it be that the way this proverb had in mind is the way of repentance, of forgiveness, of grace?
The way of the cross.
Linking with Finding Heaven Today.
10 comments:
oh.my.goodness. Your words spoke directly into my heart this morning. As the mom of 2 small girls, I am constantly guessing and second-guessing. I think about buying parenting books, but then, moments before I head out to the bookstore, I hear God calling me to just "Come." Come to Him who will lead me. Come to Him who is the Source of all wisdom. Come to Him who can speak words through my heart and through my mouth.
Thank you for this extremely vulnerable post. Thank you for being a part of this group. I so needed your words today. God spoke through you clearly.
Nancy, you have made me stop in my tracks and think. Do I seek God first or do I seek the ones who tell me how to parent? I think the later more often then not. I love you ended it with the gifts of repentance, forgiveness and grace. That's sometimes what I think Parenting is all about. We are not perfect, but He is.
All I know is that God gives wisdom when we ask for it. After many mistakes, my husband and I learned that our children were uniquely and wonderfully made. They couldn't be raised by a cookie-cutter program. Each one was wired differently. Our oldest--more conservative--our third--magenta hair and nose ring, and the other two had their own challenges/expressions. One of the things we learned is that the outside is not as important as the heart. And I'm happy to say, despite all our parental foibles, they all walk in truth to this day. To God be the glory. We prayed that God would give us the wisdom to raise them by our standards while still respecting their individuality and being patient with their journeys.
This is a wonderful reminder in everything we do. I know I see the beginnings of this struggle with my brother and his wife and their new daughter. I think I will take the time to remind them of His Word and their knees are most important too in training her up in the ways.
I love the terrifying questions you ask, for I ask the same ones. I stand over my beautiful children as they sleep and pray I have led them toward the heart of Jesus.
Thank you for your words.
What a thought provoking post! My children have long been out of the nest and I look back and wish that I could redo so many things. But, I do know that at the time my husband I did the best we knew to do at the time. I pray daily that God's grace will cover the mistakes and wrong decisions we made. They have grown up to be great spouses and parents and now I pray for their parenting. It's so different for them than it was for me.
Abundant blessings to you!
This made me laugh, but only because these are the questions that plague me and I also have read Dobson, Tripp, and Wilson! :) We're homeschooling using Veritas Press, but I've had to learn to make it fit into our life rather than us fit into the curriculum. I'm also learning that advice is just advice, so always take it with a grain or so of salt. It's a blessing to find a veteran homeschooler who thinks along the same lines.
I don't like the modern application of Proverbs 22:6 that's buzzing around in churches which says the passage refers to developing our kids' gifts, so it was a relief to see your viewpoint. I think you are right on that it's about teaching our children the way of the cross! Amen! :)
Yes, I absolutely think you have it - it's the way of the cross. We are all going to do things a bit differently in the Christian community, that's a given. I firmly believe if we ourselves are in the Word and are actively working to apply it, then we are training them in the way they should go. Grace is a frequently-used word in our home because we need to give a lot of it to each other but mostly, because I, as their mother, need it several times a day.
I pray often that God will save my children from myself - that my imperfect ways of the flesh won't derail them but guide them to why we need Jesus in the first place.
Beautifully written, Nancy!
Yes I did Mrs. Darcy :D
You touched my heart. I have a toddler, so we're only on the beginning side of these questions.
I do believe that the surest way to invest in our children is to invest in prayer, and in teaching them to go to Jesus, just like we do. But I'm stirred because I am guilty of not asking God for guidance as readily as I ought.
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