Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Grace Has Brought Us Safe Thus Far


(Linking up with emily on Thursday for imperfect prose.)
(My father) would get these far-off looks in his eye, and he would say, "Lucy, life doesn't always turn out the way you plan."  I just wish I realized at the time he was talking about my life.  From the movie, While You Were Sleeping.
Last night, on the eve of my twenty-sixth wedding anniversary, my baby girl (aka the bride-to-be) sent a message saying that her car was making a metallic grinding noise.  And not in a good way.

I know she's frustrated at the prospect of getting hit with a large car repair bill while trying to plan her fairy-tale wedding.  But while her father and I empathized with her frustration, we found ourselves sharing stories--the remember whens--of our days starting out together as newlyweds.

We began our marriage with a used blue Datsun with standard transmission, which I had to learn how to drive before I could refer to it as "our car."  More often than not, it was in the shop for repairs we could barely afford, and both of us had jobs which were about forty minutes from home.  Those early days found us scrambling often, dialing up friends, begging for rides into work.

I think back to so many twists and turns throughout our marriage, none of which we would have chosen nor planned:
  • The beloved Swede tearing down our fieldstone chimney with a crow bar on our first Christmas together because it had been condemned by the local building inspector.  We couldn't afford to pay someone to take it down, and we needed a new one so we could use a woodstove for heat.
  • Keeping our thermostat at 55 degrees that winter because we had a hole in the front of our house, stuffed with insulation and covered in plastic.
  • The frustrating years of struggling with infertility, undergoing painful and humiliating tests and procedures, followed by the joy of becoming parents through adoption.
  • Experiencing both lean and fat years, financially and, ahem, physically.
  • Taking the risk of starting a business, knowing that it could either succeed beyond our wildest dreams or ruin us financially.  Remembering that we'd been poor before in our lives and probably would be able to do it again.  Remembering that God taught us to pray for our daily bread.
In his book, The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis wrote:
For it is the very mark of Eros that when he is in us we had rather share unhappiness with the Beloved than be happy on any other terms….Eros never hesitates to say, “Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Let our hearts break provided they break together.”
As I look back on twenty-six years with the Swede, there have been times when we have been miserable, but we've been miserable together.  Lucy's father was right--life didn't always turn out the way we planned.  So many of the surprises, the bumps and bruises along the way, were painful at the time.  I wouldn't want to revisit them.  They really could have gone either way:  driving us apart or drawing us together, tempting us to abandon our vows or honor them, causing us either to doubt God or trust Him more deeply.  But we can look back on our years with sweetness and joy, knowing another anniversary is really a celebration of God's grace in bringing us safe thus far.

And I remain thankful for a good man, willing and able to do this:


Shameslessly copying the example of JoAnn at Ostriches Look Funny (because she keeps re-posting her favorite picture of her husband.  And because she's really funny and I want to be more like her).

How about you?  Any stories about how life, how marriage didn't turn out the way you planned?  About the ways grace brought you safely through?

15 comments:

Jodi said...

Because God gave me a wonderful husband, and because His grace sustained us, my marriage didn't turn out as I expected. My parents divorced early. My mom was married several times. When I was a kid, I did not have one friend whose parents had not divorced. I had no clue what a healthy marriage looked like. I was terrified because I didn't believe that someone you made a promise with wouldn't abandon you. Then I met Jesus. Then I met Michael. Has our marriage been all hearts and flowers? No. But it's been good. We love each other more now than the day we met. Twenty-nine years and counting. To God be the glory.

Leslie said...

So many good words, good truths, here this morning. "Grace has brought us safe thus far." Amen to that. "Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan." Been there, done that. And the poignant truth in the C.S. Lewis quote.

I'm grateful, too, for God's love holding on to me, to my marriage, to my family, through the unpredictable joys and sorrows of life.

Claudia said...

congrats on 26 years - and looking back on good and bad things with a thankful heart - that's fantastic!

Manda said...

What a wonderful post. It is so encouraging to see other couples walking through this epic journey of marriage with the grace that gets us all through.

suzannah | the smitten word said...

this is wonderful. we're approaching 8 years and learning every day that marriage is the practice of grace.

your daughter is blessed to have your example.

Michelle DeRusha said...

This is so sweet -- and I love that C.S. Lewis quote, "Let our hearts break provided they break together."

And the picture? Priceless!

Mommy Emily said...

i want to be more like joann too :) i love this, the way you wrote about your husband so tender. it's beautiful, nancy. and the photo is, like michelle said, priceless. thank you for linking up today, friend!

Unknown said...

oh you guys, cut it out! I'm not that great, I just look better on paper than I do in real life...cyber paper that is :)

Thanks for the link Nancy. That photo is ADORABLE! So much better than my evil dodgeball one. Congratulations on 26 years! WHoo HOOO!!!

You're a crack up BTW.

Kim Hyland said...

Thank goodness marriage didn't turn out how I expected. It has been so much harder and so much better! Recently, I visited the place it all began 23 years ago. As I looked in the window of our first home (it was empty) with my teenage daughter and youngest son standing beside me, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia as well as a sense of incredible gratitude for all that we've walked through and been given since then. It makes me wonder why I still am so tempted to worry about the future. God is ever faithful and good!

Shannan Martin said...

I had this open on a tab all day long, just waiting for a chance to read it. So glad I did. I hung on your story. It's so beautiful. And JoAnn? Well, she's more than a little crazy. In the best sort of way. :)

joanna said...

You have many blessings bestowed on you. wonderful post, came by from Emilys,

Joanny

Ruth said...

No matter what life brings to our doorstep, the joys are always sweeter and the pain more bearable with a sweet love by our side.
Thank you for your kind words

keLi said...

What a sweet post. My husband's grandparents, upon our engagement, told stories of their early years of marriage -- including living in a Depression-era house that had formerly been a chicken coop. Hearing that gave us a great new perspective on our tiny little house.

Congrats on 26 years -- that's quite an accomplishment!

Unknown said...

Had to rush off after reading this,
am back.
Love loved it.
It is a true love story!

Southern Gal said...

I recognize so many of the twists and turns in my own marriage. We have much in common. Happy Anniversary.

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