Sunday morning I stayed in my pjs
and worshiped in the House of Lament,
arguing with God
and throwing His words back at Him.
You said you came to reconcile. (2 Corinthians 5:19)
You said you would be God to me
and to my children. (Acts 2:39)
You said if I called you would answer. (Jeremiah 33:3)
You said you would never leave me
or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)
You said you would be my helper. (Hebrews 13:6)
You said you would be my refuge and strength. (Psalm 46:1)
You said you would give me rest (Matthew 11:28)
and peace (John 14:27)
and joy.(John 16:24)
You said you would redeem (Job 19:25)
and restore (Psalm 23:3)
and repay the years eaten by locusts. (Joel 2:25)
You said I’m forgiven. 1 John 1:9
You said you loved me. (Jeremiah 31:3)
You said you loved me. (Lamentations 3:22)
You said you loved me. (John 13:1)
Sunday morning I stayed in my pjs and wrestled with God
and was not destroyed by Him.
Joining Jen and the sisterhood:
33 comments:
"And you were not destroyed" David often wrestled with God and Jesus did as well in the Garden of Gethemene! As long as our wrestling draws us back to him it is good, for we come out stronger. Thank you for this honesty.
and you were beautiful and you will not be destroyed. i personally think God loves when we argue with Him... it shows Him we care enough to do so. love you, praying for you.
Those moments help us seek Him even harder, don't they? He always keeps His promises. Thanks Nancy. I'm wrestling right now.
(((Nancy)))
My grandparents had one of those sometimes-awkward-for-young-kids relationships that, though they loved each other from their tippy toes, it came out through a lot of bickering and yammering.
I remember staying with them one week in particular when Grandpa seemed to be badgering Grandma a little more than usual, until he seemed to whip her up into a right rage. She stomped off in a huff and Grandpa went outside to tinker with something.
We caught up with him out there, ridiculously content with himself and his accomplishment. We asked him why he thought he had to upset Grandma so.
His answer was simple. Grandma only gave the house an honest cleaning when she was good and mad. He'd seen some cobwebs in the back room and thought it was as good a time as any for her to do a little housework.
Seems I come to God at my most honest when He and I need to have words. I wonder sometimes if He and my granddad didn't work out of the same playbook. Most times He has a way of bringing me 'round. But I do think He has a preference for us to come with our honest lament than to posture all pretty any day of the week.
(Sorry for the blog post-length comment.) Nancy, I've prayed for comfort for you around the source of your lament.
I know this feeling well. My prayer used to be for God to heal my son of his autism. He didn't do it. Now I pray for God to change my heart toward Him and autism. God is good. All the time.
How I love, love LOVE this post, Nancy. Thank you so much. Yes, we need lament. Yes, it's in the scriptures to remind us that God knows we need lament. And it's there to honor the full range of human emotion and experience. Thank you for your vulnerability - and your extensive knowledge of scripture!
And Lyla - that is a GREAT STORY and spot on, I think. You two just made my entire day. Wow.
WOW! I absolutely love your honesty... not many would throw the word back at God.... and I am in awe over this post and how it glorifies God's unconditional love and compassion for us. He can take it, it's us who usually can't.
<3
wow. just wow. love the raw honesty.
This is rough! Wrestling with God...it seems that being in the house of lament is needed in order for us to see HIM completely.
Maria
As I read your wrestlings with GOD, I hear whispers..."And I do...And I will..."...such love He has for you dear friend.
Heard this on Sunday: "Do you know the difference between a lump of coal and a diamond? Heat and pressure.
Love ya, my old bulding and loan pal.
My friend Anne always says, "God meets us where we are . . . not where we pretend to be." This post has no pretending in it . . . it is honest and very adult . . . no game playing.
Fondly,
Glenda
When we wrestle with God, many times, like Jacob, we walk away with a blessing. Thanks for being brave enough to share this...I need to ingest it.
Thoughtfully,
Pamela
I need to get one of those interactive blog comment thingys so I can respond to comments as they come up. Pamela--you got just what I was driving toward. I used to be confused about that account with Jacob. I didn't understand what it meant when it said Jacob wrestled with God and prevailed, not until I realized God could have completely destroyed him with a flick of His finger. Because of God's deep love and mercy, Jacob was not consumed by Him. Understanding that has given me courage and boldness to wrestle for the blessing.
This is so powerful and raw honesty. I love it that we have a God who is so loving He puts up with our questioning and fighting. Your point of not being destroyed by him took my breath away. We leave with that tension of an intimate personal God who is also so incomprehensible and almighty.
Oh, Nancy. This made me cry... you said it so eloquently - your words, and His, together. And that last sentence:
"Sunday morning I stayed in my pjs and wrestled with God
and was not destroyed by Him."
so powerful.
I need to think about this post before I can say anything of value.
Right now I'm sitting here in awe. Awe of Him. Awed by your confidence in His word, in Him.
Awesome post...I am speechless.
If your going to wrestle with God using His word is the best way, may you feel God's peace!
Nancy, this is a place I've been often over the last 4+ years--a hard place, but a GOOD place! You have proclaimed the truth about Him STRONG and clung to Him until He blessed you. He has blessed us through you!! Hugs to you friend!
Shaunie
I know this..this wrestling and fighting and throwing of words..and the pj's? absolutely!
praying you came to an agreement?
I love the truth of His word don't you? Oh Father help our unbelief!
xo:)
ditto amy and leslie. such a needed reminder. and oh the theology and faith in the pam and your dialogue.
I really believe that God prefers to be yelled at than ignored. Wrestle with me- He seems to say- but never ignore me, never forget me, never walk away from me, for when you wrestle with me I can still touch you, heal you, reach you.
Beautiful, Nancy.
This post makes me appreciate and love God more. Because we can wrestle with Him and not be afraid to ask questions and He won't destroy us for being honest with him. Thank you for sharing this, Nancy.
Oh Nancy - this was beautiful. I've been doing some wrestling too. It's amazing how He lets us come at Him, knowing he's rock solid. And we just flail and beat the air, and he's got it. Thankful that we are not destroyed and instead embraced, even loved.
*Sigh* I've been doing a lot of sighing these days.
Maybe I need to lament a bit instead?
Those last three. Love upon love upon love ...
God loves a good wrestling match. And you'll notice he only has them with people he's really invested in (Job, Jacob, Moses, Jonah ... Nancy).
Love, peace and hope for your laments.
This was beautiful! It is good that you are wrestling with God. I know you came out better for it. Thanks for sharing your words with us!
Well everybody has already said all the good stuff because of course I'm late to the party. But can I just say this post knocked my socks off?! The honesty, the lament, the anger. This speaks to me. And yeah, I've worshipped more than once at the House of Lament (although I don't know my Bible as well as you do to find all those verses to match my thoughts!).
Long overdue for a wrestling match here. PJs would be nice too. I don't know what the wrestle was about--maybe you are walking with a limp--but I'm praying, Nancy. He has these plans. And sometimes I just don't get it.
oh, nancy, i love you...
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