The beloved Swede, patient man that he is, has tried and tried and tried to teach me how to use our leaf blower. First he pumps some little button that primes something. Then he grabs the starter cord thing and rips it out with all his manly-man strength. Next he moves some lever thingy, positioning it somewhere between the settings where there is a picture of a turtle toward where there is a picture of a rabbit. And it starts up for him. Every single time.
Then it’s mine turn. And every single time I follow every single instruction he’s given me, nothing happens. Then I have to use my angry words and threaten to kick the thing down the driveway.
I just don’t get it.
Year after year, I listen patiently as my man tries one more time to explain things like engine cycles and flooding the choke which, I guess, is a bad thing. It seems to me I need to have three hands to press the prime button and pull the cord thingy and move the lever wherever it’s supposed to be between the turtle and the rabbit. My eyes glaze over and I ask, “In a day and age when we have smart phones and email and Facebook and Twitter, why can’t someone just invent a leaf blower that starts with the push of a button?”
Which leads me to Twitter.
This girl talked me into coming over to the dark side and taking up residence in the universe of Twitter. Which makes almost as much sense to me as does my leaf blower.
I mean, I’m pretty techno-savvy. I can text. I’m on Facebook. I blog. I can cut and paste HTML code. I just don’t get this Twitter thing.
I type phrases like, “How does Twitter work?” into Google and up pop articles like How to Explain Twitter to Your Grandma which, if you’ve taken a good look at my profile picture, seems to be just about my speed. I read the words, but my eyes glaze over as if I’m trying to comprehend a two-cycle engine. I’m still left with all sorts of questions like:
Why?
What value does Twitter add to my texting, Facebooking, blogging presence?
Who really wants to hear from me that often?
What is a tiny URL thingy and do I need one?
Is there a Twitter code of etiquette? If so, what do I do if I Tweet inappropriately?
Is it really a good thing that I have one more venue for broadcasting all the ridiculous things that run through my head?
And, now that I’ve got all sorts of accounts linked together here in internet world, I’m starting to feel just the tiniest bit vulnerable--like the universe could start reading my thoughts, or something.
Maybe I should start wearing a tin-foil helmet while I’m at my computer?
All of which is to say, this gray-haired old lady is now on the Twitter, and so I invite you to follow me. Or Tweet me. Or send me your best pieces of advice for getting started. Or just send champagne.
Then maybe, just maybe, I won’t feel like kicking my computer down the driveway.
9 comments:
I agree with everything you said, although I can do a few manly man thingies like start power tools and such. That doesn't mean I like it, though. It's sorta like when my poor wife tries to explain to me why and how to mix or separate colored fabrics in the washer---it makes no sense. Don't get me started.
And the Twitter thing---I started using it all the time, then some of the time, and now I get on it about once every two days for 10 minutes. Be glad to follow you, though. Have a great weekend, and don't forget to prime it before pulling the cord.
Twitter drives me crazy. I greatly admire you for even giving it a try... let me know how you get on. (And I think that tinfoil hat might not be a bad idea...)
As for leaf blowers, I have a relatively small battery operated one. The batteries are rechargeable and I just flip a switch. It's simply wonderful...
I"m not that buff on twitter. But I do understand why it can be addictive. Because I love that live chatting thing and I guess that's what people who tweet regularly do. I've done a couple twitter parties with THC and that's fun too. But...I just don't think about updating enough to be savvy and fun.
Will you tweet me? We'll be clueless together, Nancy :).
You make me laugh -- I love it! I think I need to read Twitter for Grandmas, too -- and my kids are only 6 and 9! I'm on it...but I certainly don't use it to its potential...whatever its potential is.
As for the leaf blower...I use a rake. It's good for the calorie burn.
I might have to retweet this post -- (that's RT in tweet lingo).
i so can't get into twitter. i just don't get it. but luck to you my dear.
and for some reason i stopped following your blog. not on purpose. you just disappeared. so did like half the people i follow. now i'm having to find them again. so i'm your newest follower nancy... although i may have been one of your oldest too :)
Could always try the line that seems to work for folks around my house who don't want to do something they were asked to do... "But I'm not very good at using the leaf blower. You're so much better at it..." If you're a blonde teenage boy with dreamy eyes and batting lashes, it'll get you anywhere you need to go...
I'm with you on Twitter. I try. I'm not good at it. I'm not sure that I want to be. It puts the spotlight on lazy introversion.
And of course, the irony here is that I followed Michelle's tweet to read this post...
Amy--who even understands how ANY of this technology works. So happy that you are a part of my life!
You're brave, girl! I don't even have a Facebook account.
Number one: I don't know how I could squeeze anymore techy time out of my day.
Number two: It scares me, too!
There I said it. So this grandma will probably never venture into Twitter. Tell me how you like it in a few months. I could possibly change my mind....
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